TRUTH BE TOLD: NAIROBI GIRLS REMAIN THE HOTTEST
It is official that Nairobi girls are a real turn on - the next hottest thing after Indian spices. Whether she comes in her God-given hair or some Brazilian or Indian makeshift hair, trust me, she can gerrit! They are geniuses too – you see that stuff they do with profile pictures on social media and you are left wondering how the hell they manage to show ass and face in the same picture? Those are Kenyan girls for you. Dark and light skinned; skinny and big – but I have a problem with the latter as the Bible says, ‘Narrow is the way that leads to heaven.’
I will do a little excursion into these daughters of Eve of Kenyan descent.
There is this category I call:
Destiny crashers
This type will wake up and dress to distract. She puts on a bra that collects the mammary gadgets into one awesome pack then out of sheer wickedness she will put her legs apart and push them a little backwards and then with her palms she will hold the base of her boobs and give them a soft push up. At this point they are peeping out of the bra with a bewitching cleavage that tells one is on the left and the other on the right otherwise the whole lot is facing forward like her chin and pointing like the Russian 2K11 Krug missile launcher ready for action. The result is scandalous. Whether you are filled with the Holy Ghost, you live in Eastlands with several churches near your house, your father is a bishop or you are straight from the confession box, you are suffering from cholera, you will look – and that is where problems will start.
This type will wake up and dress to distract. She puts on a bra that collects the mammary gadgets into one awesome pack then out of sheer wickedness she will put her legs apart and push them a little backwards and then with her palms she will hold the base of her boobs and give them a soft push up. At this point they are peeping out of the bra with a bewitching cleavage that tells one is on the left and the other on the right otherwise the whole lot is facing forward like her chin and pointing like the Russian 2K11 Krug missile launcher ready for action. The result is scandalous. Whether you are filled with the Holy Ghost, you live in Eastlands with several churches near your house, your father is a bishop or you are straight from the confession box, you are suffering from cholera, you will look – and that is where problems will start.
You left home a focused man ready to build the nation in the simplest way you always do, now see, at the sight of these weapons of mass detraction, you are all confused – tell me your destiny hasn’t been crashed? With your ‘whatever’ now so stiff that it can hang clothes.
If you follow beyond ‘eating with eyes’ and perhaps craft a working relationship with the daughter of Eve and that day you have always visualized comes to pass, sometimes you will meet another shock of your life. Some of these weapons of mass detraction may be packaged so well in these wonder bras and what sleeps inside maybe the real opposite of what you see. The time you flip open the bra with one hand (a skill we have perfected as men) you will be surprised as the entire mass of a pair of boobs with low self-esteem fall helplessly on the owner’s chest and lie there reminiscing the years they have lived like an old Mzungu lying on the beach in Mombasa.How now do you make peace with your eyes? Sometimes I think to get them all pointed and turgid, they actually role them up with their thumb and index finger and then clip them with a cloth-peg before they can arrest the innocent boob in a padded bra – what an injustice! The good thing is at this moment our mind as men is usually set on things that matter – so you will just go ahead anyway.
The other category is:
The CSR type
These ones from the word – they have something to give back to the community. The ones who have a sitting allowance that looks like a tipper pouring construction material. You look at them once and your life doesn’t remain the same! Whether what you are looking at is theirs straight from the creation workshop or is the work of silicon – who cares? This type will help you improve your eyesight because every time they pass by you can’t help but recognize the ass-quake and just look – looking is not bad; looking is free. These ones remind you of the story of creation, ‘…and the earth was without form, and the spirit hovered upon the face of the deep.’ Now you know why Jesus called Peter three times during the last supper: Maybe such was passing by.
These ones from the word – they have something to give back to the community. The ones who have a sitting allowance that looks like a tipper pouring construction material. You look at them once and your life doesn’t remain the same! Whether what you are looking at is theirs straight from the creation workshop or is the work of silicon – who cares? This type will help you improve your eyesight because every time they pass by you can’t help but recognize the ass-quake and just look – looking is not bad; looking is free. These ones remind you of the story of creation, ‘…and the earth was without form, and the spirit hovered upon the face of the deep.’ Now you know why Jesus called Peter three times during the last supper: Maybe such was passing by.
Alenga Torosterdt
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